Everyday Responsibility?

At the grocery store where I work in Ohio, my co-worker made a racist remark, then denied that it was racist, then justified the remark because her anger made her say it, then apologized to me because my boyfriend is black, then assured me that she didn’t have a racist bone in her body. 

After some sort of misunderstanding and altercation with a black woman, my co-worker complained to our manager (who is black), and waited for him to walk away before saying that the woman was a “ghetto black bitch.”

I was shocked. I asked her if she had actually just said that. She repeated it to me, with emphasis. I demanded to know what ghetto meant. She shrugged, and said, “Ghetto.” No, I said, what does it mean? She raised her voice: “It means trash.”

At this point a customer came to me, and I heard my co-worker saying to herself that this was “fucking ridiculous” (I think she was referring to me). She disappeared for about half an hour. During this time I called my boyfriend to tell him what happened, and that I was going to say something to her when she got back.

Perhaps to be expected, she acted like nothing had happened when she returned. I immediately told her that I couldn’t let go of that very offensive thing she had said. She looked both confused and surprised that I had brought it up. “So?” she demanded. For a second I had an honest loss of words. She continued: “I’m not a racist. I don’t have anything against black people.”

Though I was not the first to use the words “racism” and “racist,” I was happy to explain her racist comments to her. Why say “black bitch” if you didn’t mean for “black” to inform the “bitch” part? Why say “ghetto”? In a few seconds time, I was able to make the case that she must have thought blackness made the customer an even more despicable “bitch.” She denied all of this, and said she would have used the phrase “white trash bitch” if the woman had been white. And the woman is black, she argued, so why is this fact a racist thing to point out?

Another co-worker, overhearing our conversation, jumped in to tell me that her friend is not a racist. She said that she herself was living with a black man, and so was her sister. Wait, who? I said.

“Me.”

I was confused. “But you’re not the one who said ‘ghetto black bitch.’”

My point didn’t seem to matter. As someone living with a black man, she can attest to my co-worker’s racism-free thinking. Both began speaking in exaggerations about how she isn’t prejudice against anybody. The choice of “I don’t have a racist bone in my body” seems to indicate that she views racism as something ingrained, something with which you are born, or aren’t. It’s in our biology.

The incident of course showed me the continuing problems with racism. If she didn’t call the woman the n-word, then it wasn’t racist. It is also easy to see how the irresponsibility of people who know better can coincide with the problems of racism, sexism. If I hadn’t been around to hear my co-worker’s remarks, she probably would have had a much better day, feeling defended and justified by the body of workers there that rushed to her defense. Though I’m not looking to be comforted or congratulated myself, there is certainly something discomforting about knowing that (at least at my job), for every person who says, “Hey, that’s offensive, do you know that?” there are a few, or more, who privately harden their conviction against being wrong.